top 5 WORST movies ever

[evilmidget]

2. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (I stand by my word as this was one of THE most disappointing films I have ever seen in my whole life)

That one comes across *way* better if you read the book about a thousand times before even *hearing* about the Gene Wilder version. Dahl's stuff was my Bible back before I discovered Douglas Adams.

I read the book multiple times in the past (actually more like it was read to me). I do admit that Burton was much truer to the book, but it was hard for me to enjoy it due to the following:

1) Rushed Character development. I know that the book was basically the same, but just briefly introducing the other kids made the whole movie feel rushed.
2) Charlie. They made him into a fucking cookie cutter boyscout.
3) Oompa Loompas. I do admit that I actually enjoyed the Oompa Loompas more in this movie due to them using the songs from the book, but seriously? Is it THAT hard to find multiple little people to play the parts? I mean, I would have even settled for, say, three or even two actors multiplied; but copying and pasting one actor just makes the director look lazy.
4) That fucking song. I found it amusing the first time I saw the, erm, dolls i guess. As soon as I saw that scene, I thought to myself, "yep. this is definitely a Tim Burton movie." But good lord, that fucking song they sing just gets in your head and refuses to leave.
and finally,
5) JOHNNY DEPP WAS TERRIBLE! I'm not saying he's terrible compared to Gene Wilder. I'm talking from an acting perspective. I have never seen anyone so uncomfortable in their role. His lines are forced, he has no direction, he looks like a Kenner doll, and he's annoying, annoying ANNOYING!!!!!

/rant/

[SadakoMoose]

One of the worst movies I ever watched was Manos, the Hands of Fate.
Not even MST3K could make it funny for me, really.

[alphatroll]

2. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (I stand by my word as this was one of THE most disappointing films I have ever seen in my whole life)

That one comes across *way* better if you read the book about a thousand times before even *hearing* about the Gene Wilder version. Dahl's stuff was my Bible back before I discovered Douglas Adams.

JOHNNY DEPP WAS TERRIBLE! I'm not saying he's terrible compared to Gene Wilder. I'm talking from an acting perspective. I have never seen anyone so uncomfortable in their role. His lines are forced, he has no direction, he looks like a Kenner doll, and he's annoying, annoying ANNOYING!!!!!

*Uncomfortable* was the point. Willy Wonka's a guy who never had any friends and hasn't been in public for decades; think 'Howard Hughes'. And Depp nailed it perfectly because he *is* rather autistic after all.

& the other kids *were* all shallow stereotypes. It would have ruined it if they were anything else. Dahl's term for them in the book was "the horrid children", and that was their entire purpose.

Deep Roy isn't even particularly short, btw. Oompa Loompas were designed to be vaguely creepy, and making them all "clones" heightens that.

BUT Roald Dahl is *hardly* everyone's taste. Most of the adaptations have sucked because weak-kneed studios couldn't stand not to sanitize them until they were just sterile. Kinda like Invader Zim; even most of the fans have to twist it into something that appeals to them more.

[alphatroll]

p.s. I don't mean to beat this to death, but was thinking about it some more.... in Charlie aTCF (especially the book), it's pretty much a classic "nut/straight man" situation, but it flips age roles around, & the last names are big tipoffs. Wonka's a grown, experienced adult, but very much a child inside, while Charlie *Bucket* (how down-to-earth is that?) is quite creative & a dreamer, but by necessity has learned to be practical (thus the "boy-scout" effect). He's really the most mature character in the whole book. Grandpa Joe is a little of both; he still remembers the days when he worked for Wonka & treasures them.

In that light, Gene Wilder (while a great comic actor) couldn't be more wrong as Wonka. He & Richard Pryor exemplify "straight/nut" about as much as Burns & Allen. He's good at world-weary & sarcastic but essentially regular guy roles. His best IMO was probably in Blazing Saddles, and like most Mel Brooks films, the *world* is crazy there; all (well, both) the leads are "straight men" & the supporting roles are "nuts". Depp, on the other hand, is one of the best "crazy" actors working today. The Burton adaptation's main weakness is probably that it leans a bit to the "artsy" side (though I think kids liked it a *lot* more than their parents did!).

Roald Dahl's stuff for kids (& a lot of the more "mature" work) emphasizes sensible young heroes with solid, realistic perspectives learned from touch situations, while most of the important adult characters are either foolish, sinister, or just really weird. It's no accident that Daniel Handler (aka Lemony Snicket) counts him as one of his biggest influences.

Anyway, I consider these to be some pretty important literature & films. I love that stuff & put lots of thought into it. YMMV

[alphatroll]

Gabbed a lot about Airbender and a little about Cloudy With Meat, then realized this wasn't the "last movie you saw" thread at all. Go over there if you wanna see what I wrote

[SadakoMoose]

I've been meaning to watch it too, but it's been hectic lately...
And I don't have all that much money right about now.

[Mr Stiggz]

I can only think of one movie that actually causes me physical pain thinking about it...




worst film adaptation ever

[SadakoMoose]

And now it's time for Sada's emote reviews! : D

Grease 2: >: |
Mannequin: D:
Idiocracy: : /
Observe and Report: : )
Extract: : D
Alone in the dark: D:<

[JimmyMisanthrope]

Hmmm... well there are plenty of bad films out there which I derive an asinine pleasure from, such as Maniac Cop, but here are five films I've seen which I absolutely hated.

Zombies: Wicked Little Things
Warlock 2
Darkman 2 (I've not seen either Warlock or Darkman 3 based on how atrocious the 2nd of both these movies are.
The Day of the Triffids (1962)
Sukiyaki Western Django
Vertigo

[alphatroll]

I try pretty hard to suppress such horrific memories, but Stargate stands out in my mind as a singularly unpleasant experience. I can ignore the wasted money and the hours that I'll never get back, but I would dearly love to simply lose all recollection of that movie.

[Slinker]

It just came to my mind how old this thread is. I think I can mention a few new movies. Lets start with horror movies. Cause few people has mention that (Aside from scary movie which I would more call *coughs* "comedy" *coughs*. Good horror movies are a sweeeeet time. But Hollywood seem to have no idea how to make them anymore. They use the same thing over and over again. They can't even come up with something new. So they take good horror movies from other countries and we get stuff like...... *generic horror movie moment of silence*

The unborn!



Let's dig a bit below this movie with something that really annoys me. Everyone hates Micheal bay, that is fairly a common fact. He likes to destory things that are good. But he has created something that is even worste than himself. Namly his little studio named:


Platinum Dunes was created by one purpose only. To create remakes of horror movies. With high budget and zero talent. Why? Cause the franchise is often big enough to pay back anyway. Cause fans and silly teenagers will gladly pay to see their favorit horror movie franchise raped. So they spit out a bunch of movies with nothing to tell and no attempt to try. They only succed in looking expensiv. But lack style. Cause they go with the same colors on every fucking movie. Heres a list of every movie they have done (All of them are remakes.):

* The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
* The Amityville Horror (2005)
* The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)
* The Hitcher (2007)
* The Unborn (2009)
* Friday the 13th (2009)
* Horsemen (2009)
* A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

And right now they are doing something quite diffrent. They are gonna do: "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Reboot" (May not be the titel when it comes out.) Really, do they need do Turtles aswell? Wasen't Friday the 13th enough? Or not to mention, Transformers! (Not that I was that into transformers.) And yes, Bay will not direct it, but when a producer has produce this godawfull list of crimes against one of my favorit movie genres they really deserved to be hanged on a tall, sharp cactus. Just think what an interesting world we would live in if they... y'know gave all that money on new horror movies? To people with a slightly bit of ambition? Then we might actually get a decent horror movie a little more often.

[Zero]

awww come on guys some movies are so bad there good, ever watched the super mario bros. movie, or what about tron lol

[UnseenBBQ]

Every single movie by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. You know--Scary Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, all that...MY GAWD.

[alphatroll]

Every single movie by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. You know--Scary Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, all that...MY GAWD.

YeeeeeGawds.... I saw scary movie* at an advance screening. Thank goodness I didn't have to fork over any actual money. I've been a little more successful at blocking that monstrosity from my mind, while retaining just enough to avoid anything with any connection whatsoever.

* no, I will NOT dignify it with capital letters, boldface, or italics. just typing the letters is more recognition than it deserves. so bad it's.... just..... bad. bad bad.

[williamthebloody]

i can't believe i havent mentioned it on here yet:

ROB ZOMBIE'S HALLOWEEN

so awful. i could not believe how awful it was. i saw it in the theater because i was EXCITED to watch it and then it turned out to be horrendous.
does rob zombie not realize how ugly and untalented his wife is? why on earth she would be featured so prominently in anything with dialogue is beyond me, and please put more clothes on that woman. i'm talking LAYERS of clothes. her body makes me want to wretch.
i was appalled by how rob zombie managed to take everything that was GOOD about the original Halloween and make it BAD. mr zombie, do you know what made michael myers so awesome as a killer? it's because he was a normal, white, middle class young boy living in a nice house with a nice family. there was NO REASON for him to murder his sister; it's just that he's evil deep down and no one knows why (also kind of implying that it could be anyone since there were no social or political "red flags"). rob zombie gave michael myers EVERY reason to be a killer, thereby removing his scariness.
the most terrifying part of this movie was breakfast with the myers family. yes, there were some brutal death scenes, but none of them compare to the feeling of nausea and loathing i got when i watched that scene at breakfast. why must zombie incorporate idiotic and disgusting rednecks into all of his films? does he think anyone WANTS see that shit? blegh!
there was one scene of michael myers walking down the street where it was dark and the camera focused on his shadow, and for some reason the camera orientation was SIDEWAYS for about thirty seconds. WTF??
also, the movie took damn near forever to freaking END! how long was he chasing laurie around for? live 45 minutes?? he was tearing that one room apart looking for her for SO LONG. somebody needs to show rob zombie where the defining line between suspense and boredom is.

i hate this movie. i hate it so much. it FILLS ME WITH A FIERY RAGE.
[/rant]